If you are like most of us, we started on a site like this because of curiosity and frankly, some lingering fantasy that has developed in western culture about Russian and East European women – they’re exotic and extremely beautiful. No matter, eventually you pony up some money to play (because you must on a site like this one) and you decide to read and reply to a particular woman’s email. Great!
So, what should you say? First, you’re paying so think about making it count. Second, first impressions do matter. While it starts with a solid profile (read that article here), the unveiling of the real you is in that first letter.
Content for a First Letter
There is no magic formula for success, but here are some ideas you might consider.
Address Her by Her Name. Recognizing that you will likely send the same basic letter, or components of a letter, to the different women you communicate with, addressing each one by her name will personalize the communication. Avoid the use of words like ‘dear’, ‘sweet’ and baby’ other similar flatteries in a first letter. Save them for the later more intimate correspondence. Note: They will use “dear” quite a lot, however, but seems more a social convention and they’re not trying to be overly familiar. Simply, ‘Hi Marina,’ or ‘Hello Marina,’ will suffice. It is a letter and not a work email.
Introduce Yourself. We suggest you follow the conversational model. It is much more natural and comfortable and through this style your personal style will come through (assuming that is a good thing;). Even though your profile will have your first name in it already, it is a warm introduction to personalize it further by simply starting by stating it: ‘My name is Kermit and I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed your profile and wanted to take a moment to introduce myself.’
State Your Interest in Her. Follow up the opening introduction with a compliment of her appearance and profile. It is more effective to then follow through with a specific thing or two that interested you or you liked about her profile. You’re doing two things here: first, you’re acknowledging that you find her attractive (and this matters), and secondly, you reveal that you’re interested in more than just her pretty face or body. The latter reveals that you have read her profile and appreciate who she IS as a person.
I might use a sentence like this: ‘While I think you are a very attractive woman, I also appreciated the fact that you like to travel.’ Or, ‘…. that you were so clear about what you were seeking in a partner.’
Cover Some of the Basics about Yourself. This is the place to lay out not only what you do in terms of work, profession, and career, but it is also the place to reveal that you are successful in some way. While it is too soon to to be talking about income, cars, and houses, it is good to communicate through this that you are reliable, successful in your own way, and a good partner potentially.
I usually transition to this narrative with something like this: ‘Let me tell you a few things about myself….’
In addition to discussing the job, touching on what you like to do as hobbies and specific interests, overview of your children, and a sketch of your hopes or dreams are great topics to touch on in the first letter and develop in future ones. Not all topics at once, of course, but bring personal details in and provide substance and they will appreciate that.
They really value this kind of detail and effort. We may not value it that much as men, but they do!
Finish With a Few Questions. Don’t turn it into a laundry list of interrogation questions, but do prime the pump for her to talk about things you would like to know about her, or that will make it enjoyable. While statements like ‘tell me more about yourself’ are fine, it actually frustrates them as they’re not accustomed to talking about themselves much and are not great at this. So, specific questions prompt her to focus and you will get a better result.
I might suggest you ask no more than two to three closing questions in any letter and I would mix it up a bit between serious and light-hearted. Lighter subjects for a first letter might be ‘do you like coffee or tea in the morning’ or ‘do you prefer a sunset or a sunrise’ or ‘what was your best memory growing up.’ Ask her something you would like to learn about her and that will reveal something about her personality, values, and priorities. The emphasis in the early stages should be on fun and light, not heavy.
Conclude with a tone of anticipation of her reply. Something like, ‘Marina, I anxiously await your reply. Warmest regards, Kermit’
Guys, I must tell you that some of the things I’ve heard my fellow males ask of these women, say to them, or do to them online, far surpasses simply bad manners. These women actually think western men are BETTER mannered than their men. Why would we screw that up is beyond me! This is one of the reasons you are talking to them in the first place is that you have a tremendous competitive advantage relative to many of their local men.
Please, please, respect them first of all, and the journey here will not only be much more fruitful, but a real pleasure.
Writing that First Letter
